I'm Afraid
by mia66
Summary: “Spare me the hero’s approach John I would not have you put yourself at risk or any other member of this facility, w…” John cut her off “I don’t need your blessing for this Helen!”


This work hasn't been read proof, any mistakes are mine or Microsoft's, please take in consideration English is my second language.

This is my first Sanctuary fiction. The idea came from watching the last scene in "End of Nights part 2" from the second season and from the previews for next week's episode.

Spoilers ahead (not much) but be aware.

**Author's note:**

In this story, you'll find Helen reminiscing on events that happen in her past; either long ago or recently, this was an idea I got from watching the previews for next week's episode "Eulogy" and events from episode "End of Nights" part 2

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**I'm Afraid… not a statement but a fact.**

*

Magnus was seated at her desk looking at a picture of her and her daughter; her beautiful, feisty, dare devil daughter; they had taken the picture in one of their trips and were trying to capture an abnormal that had been roaming a small village; though it hadn't harm anyone, the villagers were out to get it and destroyed it; that's why they were there to take it home to the Sanctuary.

Ashley had a warm smile on her sweet face and the light was shining in her beautiful blue eyes; she look as any other carefree teenager in that frozen in time image, things had change since then; Helen couldn't fathom how dramatically thing have changed.

John and Tesla were back in her life just like old times but this time was terrible different, various Sanctuaries had been destroyed or attack and the residents were in diverse safe houses at the moment.

Kate Freelander was "working" with them at the moment; Will, Henry and Bigfoot were still there, the only one missing was Ashley; Ashley was gone.

She had been dealing with her lost; with her not knowing where Ashley really was, was she just sequester in a room again in an unknown facility as she had been for the last months by the Cabal? Were they experimenting on her again? Was she dead?

She was trying to cope in her own way and now John was doing this? What has he been thinking? Didn't he know he could as easily fall into the hands of their enemy, the same people that had destroyed her family not a week before?

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_"What were you thinking?" she had ask John when he had told her he had been following the head leader of the Cabal; he told her he had been so close to her that he had to refrained his killer instincts not to kill her then and there. _

_Was he blind? Was he so insane that he had put himself in their way without even telling her, warn her of what he was doing?_

_"I have to find out where she is, what they done to her" Was his answer._

_"Are you insane John? Or haven't you stopped to think they could easily get to you and do to you what they did to her!" Helen had shouted angry at him._

_"What do you expect me to do Helen? Sit around and wait till they used her against us again? I can't sit and wait; I need to find out what happen to my daughter…"_

_"Our daughter! " She had corrected him. "And don't you think even for a second that I have stop thinking about her, but you don't see me putting myself out there at the risk of been taken and experimented on"_

_"Well I'm not you Helen, I can't be doing anything and I assure you, I will find out what they done and I will make them pay for what they done to her, to you and to me"_

_"Spare me the hero's approach John, you are acting imprudently and I would not have you putting yourself at risk or any other member of this facility, we..."_

_"We... I don't need your blessing for this Helen; on this, I will do whatever is in my power to know where our daughter is, to find out what happen to her because I refuse to believe she is dead."_

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With that final statement he had walk out of the room leaving her all alone again.

Pondering in his worlds and in his determination; she had walk back to her office and had been seating at her desk for the better part of an hour just staring at the picture on her desk.

"_Ashley I'm afraid"_

She remembers those worlds and a shiver runs up and down her spine. She was still afraid.

There weren't many things that could make Dr. Helen Magnus afraid, she had seen many things done many things in her hundred and some years of life; that she had gotten accustom to the unexpected to the dark and the incomprehensible; she had seen things that could put the normal person out of their minds; but she had managed through the years either by herself or with the few friends she made along the way.

But now; now was different, now it wasn't just the safety of her cherish abnormal's put at risk, it wasn't just the other Sanctuaries that had been attack and some destroyed, it wasn't even herself that she was afraid for.

She was afraid of having lost the most important thing in her live, the glue that kept her sane to reality after all the years she had spend alone, all the years she been left behind or abandoned by the people she got closer too or had let get close to her following their deaths.

Longevity could be seen as a blessing at the beginning but it turned quickly into a dark lonely curse; Helen had managed to convince herself that she would have to spend her eternity by herself; until she gather the valor and desire to make her frozen embryo came to term and have her daughter.

Until that date; the date her small miracle had been laying in her arms, Helen hadn't been that afraid to been alone; that changed after she got to know her daughter, after all those maternal feelings were stir in her insides; the feelings she develop through the months she carried her in her belly.

After that Helen Magnus had known a different kind of fright and loneliness; the one she knew she would find herself in eventually even though her daughter hadn't leave her jet.

Magnus knew that someday Ashley too would have to leave her; she would have no choice in the matter, but the idea of Ashley inheriting some of her longevity and having her in her life for even a little bit more of time than the others had been to appealing back then to be pass on.

Call her selfish but she had wanted to feel something else than the loneliness, she wanted to feel love and wanted to love someone back.

Helen had been preparing herself since Ashley's birth for the inevitable or thought she had been prepared for the actual time Ashley will leap out of her life; Helen always thought that they would have more time; in a way she had desired to even not outlive her daughter because she knew the pain would be so intense and unbearable to carry on that she was afraid to even think about it, yes Helen Magnus; the defender of the weak and unwanted was self-centered, but that was just the way she felt.

She hadn't been surprise to found out her assumptions were correct, the pain she was feeling was breaking her small piece by small piece; she could feel her hear obliterating inside her chest with each second since her daughter had chose to teleport out of the room with the

Helen had seen a glimpse of her beloved Ashley just before she slip from her life again, had seem the pain and the anguish written in her face and eyes just before she chose to sacrifice herself for her mother, the monster wasn't there if for a second that had been her Ashley, Helen had seen her real eyes before she spoke to her.

"Mom…"

With that she was gone, leaving her behind like everyone else before her.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

_Helen had woken up to the feeling of someone, someone small; gliding into her bed seeking the protection of her arms, and then she heard her small daughter's still sleeping but fragile voice._

"_Mommy…I'm afraid" _

_She had awoken fully now and pull Ashley to her, embracing her fully and cuddling her to her body as close as she could._

"_What's the matter baby girl?"_

"_I'm afraid of the storm and t…" _

_Ashley hadn't finished jet, when there was a ray of light followed by the discharged of energy by the lighting of the thunderstorm taking place outside of the Sanctuary that night, Ashley hid her head further in her mother's chest and trembled a little._

"_Darling, we talked about this; this is just a normal action of nature laws, that is just energy getting freed and release into the atmosphere; do you remember we talk about it?" Helen asked to the small bundle still trembling in her arms. _

"_The energy…" she kept going on but suddenly chastised herself; sometimes Helen couldn't help herself when her scientific mind took over; looking down at her daughters blonde head press firmly into her chest, Helen couldn't help but to smile to herself as she hug Ashley a little bit more pressing a loving kiss on the crown of her daughter's head._

"_I'm not letting it hurt you darling; I'm here and I'm won't let anything harm you ok?"_

_She notice and felt instantly Ashley relaxing in her arms at hearing those words and felt the warm of her little body soaking into hers, her little girl look up to her mother and let a small smile spread across her little face, bright blue eyes searching the blue of hers._

"_I love you mommy."_

"_I love you more sweet heart." _

_Helen kept rocking her daughter in her arms until she felt the pulling of sleep calling her back; the thundering continued but the little girl pay no attention to it; she instead concentrated on her mother's humming a small children lullaby for her_

_As mother and daughter went to sleep in each other's embraces; the storm continued during the night._

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"Magnus; we are ready"

Will's voice brought her back from her memories of long ago, as she felt moisture gathering in her eyes; Helen avoid looking directly at him, her answer was a nodding of her head in understanding and fought to find her voice.

"Thank you Mr. Zimmerman… I'll be there in a minute."

She had reverted to the formalisms and stared calling him by his last name instead of his given name, that way she figured, would be easy; be professional and be detach was something she needed at the moment; if not she knew she could drown on her own sorrows been detach was far easier that to be emotional involve and had her heart breaking again and at the moment she needed to protect what was left of her heart.

She heard Will retreading steeps and lifted her eyes to the picture she had been studding so intensely; caressing her daughter's image she felt the small pull of a sorrowful smile.

"_Ashley I'm afraid!" _The worlds came back and hunted her.

Helen Magnus was afraid that without her daughter, she would be condemned to live like the living dead; to live with the remembrance of her love for her daughter; of the warm feelings that Ashley stir in her soul by loving her back.

Living with the knowledge that that warm would never be there again, it would never reach her heart again was unbearable and Helen Magnus knew that she wouldn't be able to handle that.

"I'll find you darling; I will find you where ever you are; there is no other way"

With that promise, she stood from her chair and went to meet with her new team to embark in the searching of her daughter's whereabouts; because there was no other way, she needed to find her, her own sanity depended on that.

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Thanks for reading any input would be greatly appreciated it.


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